焦大,宁国府的老仆。从小跟宁国公贾演出过三四回兵,曾从死人堆里把奄奄一息的主子背出来。没有饭吃,他饿著肚子去偷东西给主子吃,没有水喝,他自己喝马尿,把得来的半碗水给主子喝。由于以往的功劳情分,宁府的主子们对他另眼相看,不大难为他。他对宁国府后代糜烂的生活深恶痛绝,也只有他在喝醉酒后敢大骂他们:“每日偷狗戏鸡,爬灰的爬灰,养小叔子的养小叔子”,吓得众小厮魂飞魄丧,把他捆起来,用土和马粪满满填了他一嘴。
焦大
历来红楼各种解读,都对焦大赞不绝口,认为此乃一嫉恶如仇的忠贞之士,宁国府里唯一的好人,但是事实真的如此吗?
焦大的确是为宁国公出过死力的,不过这个宁国公可是有说法的,“宁国公”可不是什么虚构的人物,历史上真有这么一位,谁?魏良卿,如果感觉这个名字很陌生,那就看看他的叔叔,魏忠贤,这可是我们的老熟人了。
魏良卿本来就是个下苦种地的,苦哈哈的,要啥没啥,可架不住祖坟冒青烟,家里出了个九千岁,九千岁当年为求富贵,自己割掉了自己的命根子,也是狠人一个。对自己狠,对别人更狠,凭借这种阴狠,才能在阴森森的皇宫大内里面混出名堂,混成了九千九百岁的千古第一的老千岁。功成名就的魏公公,最遗憾的就是过早的割掉自己的命根,没有子嗣传承,一口气就认了上百个干儿子,满朝文武竞相争当一个太监的干儿子,也算是千古奇观。
魏忠贤
但是魏公公自己明白,这些干儿子,都是外人,都是因利而来,没有一个是靠得住的,思来想去,还是觉得和自己血脉相同的人最可靠,于是就捧出了自己的侄子,魏良卿。
天启六年(1626年)袁崇焕宁远大捷,论功崇焕反遭斥逐,因魏忠贤之势,封良卿肃宁伯,予诰券,加赐庄田一千顷。后进封肃宁侯。是年十月,朝廷兴修三殿告成,太监李永贞上奏魏忠贤有功,进爵上公,良卿亦封宁国公,加太师。
魏良卿 真正印证了“朝为田舍郎 暮登天子堂”这句话,从一个普普通通种地的,到位列三公的朝堂顶级人物,只用了短短一年时间。
宁国公 与其说是魏良卿自己的职位,不如说这是他在替魏忠贤坐。魏良卿的宁国府,自然也就是魏忠贤的家,阉党巢穴,所以红楼里有说 “你们东府里除了那两个石狮子干净,只怕连猫儿狗儿都不干净。”
作为阉党的大本营的宁国府,自然没有一个干净的,那么为宁国公出了死力的焦大,真的就是一个正人君子?一个例外?这当然是不可能的,焦大,可并非什么忠义之士,此乃阉党五虎之首,崔呈秀。
崔呈秀,原本是淮海扬州一带的巡抚,天启初年,因为贪污被同僚举报,内阁都已经批令查处,准备办他了。结果崔呈秀连夜跪求魏忠贤庇护,被他收作儿子。魏忠贤翻覆云雨,一转眼,崔呈秀不但无罪,反而升职。
再后来,崔呈秀为了报答魏忠贤,替他肃清党羽,彻底变成了他手中的一把刀,名列阉党“五虎”之首,官职一直做到兵部尚书,兼左都御史,帮魏忠贤掌管天下兵马。
但到了天启七年(1627年)一切都变了,天启帝驾崩了,阉党人人自危,魏忠贤自己心里也没底了,不知道崇祯到底想怎么对待自己,是听老哥天启的遗言“忠贤宜委任”,还是要对自己动手?但是崇祯一直很淡定,没有什么动作,让朝廷的各方势力都忐忑不安。魏忠贤禁不住这样的折磨,于是急于想探探崇祯的底。天启七年十月十三日,魏忠贤的亲信御史杨维垣上疏弹劾魏党的重要人物兵部尚书崔呈秀。
现在再来重读原文:
晚饭毕,因天黑了,尤氏因说:“先派两个小子送了这秦相公去。”媳妇们传出去,半日,秦钟告辞起身。尤氏问:“派了谁送去?”媳妇们回说:“外头派了焦大,谁知焦大醉了,又骂呢。”尤氏、秦氏都说道:“偏又派他作什么!放着这些小子们,那一个派不得?偏要惹他去!”凤姐道:“我成日家说你太软弱了,纵的家里人这样,还了得呢!”尤氏叹道:“你难道不知这焦大的?连老爷都不理他的,你珍大哥哥也不理他。只因他从小儿跟着太爷们出过三四回兵,从死人堆里把太爷背了出来,得了命;自己挨着饿,却偷了东西来给主子吃;两日没得水,得了半碗水,给主子喝,他自己喝马溺。不过仗着这些功劳情分,有祖宗时都另眼相待,如今谁肯难为他去!他自己又老了,又不顾体面,一味的吃酒,一吃醉了,无人不骂。我常说给管事的,不要派他差事,全当一个死的就完了。今儿又派了他!”凤姐道:“我何曾不知这焦大。倒是你们没主意,有这样,何不打发他远远的庄子上去就完了。”说着,因问:“我们的车可齐备了?”地下众人都应:“伺候齐了。”
崔是最早投靠魏忠贤的文人之一,早在天启元年就认魏为父,为阉党的壮大发展献计献策,为阉党可以说是身先士卒。所以作者,给了这样的描写:“只因他从小儿跟着太爷们出过三四回兵,从死人堆里把太爷背了出来,得了命;自己挨着饿,却偷了东西来给主子吃;两日没得水,得了半碗水,给主子喝,他自己喝马溺。”
“有祖宗时都另眼相待”,指天启在位之时,崔呈秀风光无限。“何不打发他远远的庄子上去就完了”,则是魏忠贤打算用崔呈秀做替罪羊,丢车保帅,打算让其革职回家。
可是作为事主的崔呈秀,不愿意了,我为阉党立下汗马功劳,临头把我顶出去算什么事,这才有了“焦大”的谩骂:
正骂的兴头上,贾蓉送凤姐的车出去,众人喝他不听,贾蓉忍不得,便骂了他两句:“使人捆起来!等明日醒了酒,问他还寻死不寻死了!”那焦大那里把贾蓉放在眼里,反大叫起来,赶着贾蓉叫:“蓉哥儿,你别在焦大跟前使主子性儿。别说你这样儿的,就是你爹、你爷爷,也不敢和焦大挺腰子呢!不是焦大一个人,你们做官儿,享荣华,受富贵?你祖宗九死一生挣下这家业,到如今不报我的恩,反和我充起主子来了。不和我说别的还可,若再说别的,咱们白刀子进去,红刀子出来!”凤姐在车上说与贾蓉道:“以后还不早打发了这个没王法的东西!留在这里岂不是祸害?倘或亲友知道了,岂不笑话咱们这样的人家,连个王法规矩都没有?”贾蓉答应“是”。
“咱们白刀子进去,红刀子出来!”这是崔呈秀的反抗,不愿意就这么被抛弃了,反过来威胁,我要倒台了大家一起完蛋。“还不早打发了这个没王法的东西!留在这里岂不是祸害?”崔呈秀被彻底抛弃了。
凤姐亦起身告辞,和宝玉携手同行。尤氏等送至大厅,只见灯烛辉煌,众小厮都在丹墀侍立。那焦大又恃贾珍不在家,即在家亦不好怎样,更可以恣意的洒落洒落。因趁着酒兴,先骂大总管赖二,说他不公道,欺软怕硬,“有了好差事就派别人,像这样黑更半夜送人的事,就派我。没良心的王八羔子!瞎充管家!你也不想想,焦大太爷跷起一只脚,比你的头还高呢。二十年头里的焦大太爷,眼里有谁?别说你们这一把子杂种王八羔子们!”
众小厮见他太撒野了不堪了,只得上来几个,揪翻捆倒,拖往马圈里去。焦大越发连贾珍都说出来,乱嚷乱叫说:“我要往祠堂里哭太爷去,那里承望到如今生下这些畜牲来!每日家偷狗戏鸡,爬灰的爬灰,养小叔子的养小叔子,我什么不知道?咱们‘胳膊折了往袖子里藏’!”众小厮听他说出这些没天日的话来,唬得魂飞魄散,也不顾别的了,便把他捆起来,用土和马粪满满的填了他一嘴。
高潮到了,重点来了,“爬灰的爬灰,养小叔子的养小叔子”,焦大这个角色在楼里最重要的使命就是交代这句让骚年们兴奋不已的这句话,但是“爬灰的爬灰,养小叔子的养小叔子”,谁和谁“爬灰”?谁又在养小叔子?
“爬灰”,指的并不是贾珍和可卿,而是指天启和客氏,二人名为奶妈和养子,但却有淫乱嫌疑,客氏“每日清晨入乾清暖阁侍帝,甲夜后回咸安宫”,而且客氏常常将龙卵(马的外肾)烹煮给熹宗(天启)食用。每次看到这段,脑子里就会想起“他好,我也好”,广告害人不浅。
另外“爬灰”,污膝,代指乱伦,可乱伦,并非只特指这种颠倒混乱的XX关系,而是指乱了伦常,伦常,儒家的伦理道德。封建时代称君臣、父子、夫妇、兄弟、朋友五种关系为五伦,认为这种尊卑、长幼的关系是不可改变的常道。
而九千岁权倾朝野,“只知有忠贤,而不知有皇上”,也是乱伦,而且比什么母子、翁媳更严重,因为乱的是“君臣”,颠覆了君为臣纲,是最严重的的一种乱伦。
焦大口中的“爬灰”不但指天启和客氏二人的淫乱,更是在说,魏忠贤臣执君权,客氏与魏忠贤对食,“忠贤告假,则客氏居内;客氏有假,则忠贤留中”,两人联手把持朝政。
说完了“爬灰”,再说这个“养小叔子”又是怎么一回事?
客氏
天启病重,客氏安排了八个待待产的孕妇,打算冒充为天启的遗腹子,然后立其为帝,用以掌握皇权。并且还跑去和张嫣张皇后,命其配合,张皇后坚决不同意,并力谏天启,传位给信王朱由检,才成就了崇祯的帝王之路,也断送了大明的江山社稷。
最后再看这句“胳膊折了往袖子里藏”,魏忠贤为试探崇祯,顶出了崔呈秀,崔呈秀也不是第一次受到弹劾,以往都写了检讨递个辞呈,皇帝不准,有时批评几句就了事了,这次仍如法炮制,但是让魏忠贤没有预料到的是,崇祯来了一个将计就计,恩准了。崔呈秀是魏忠贤的左膀右臂,本意想试探,结果成了真事,真的折了阉党的一个胳膊。
后面就是树倒猢狲散了,明显感受到了崇祯要除去魏忠贤的信息后,朝堂里的老油条们都行动起来,弹劾阉党的折子到处都是,看似强大的阉党就此轰然倒台。
天启七年(1627年)十一月,新任皇帝崇祯,籍没魏忠贤及客氏。魏忠贤自杀,客氏笞死于浣衣局,宁国公,魏良卿同日斩首,临死前留下一句话:“吾生长田舍,得负耒耜足矣,何知富贵?今曰称功,明日颂德,功德巍巍,自当封拜,吾不合为珰侄,遂以袍册加身,是称功颂德者,以富贵逼我,我何罪也!”
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